Let’s face it, starting acroyoga classes and going on that hike would probably be good for your health, but so would a good old-fashioned summer romance.  

Well hate to break it to you, but time is running out and you should get on it.  Fortunately,  the key to a hot summer love so magical even Nicholas Sparks would say ‘yeowza’ might be right at your fingertips.

Smartphones are making everything easier! They give us access to important information we otherwise might have spent our lives pondering. Did you know Kurt Russell played the voice of Elvis in Forrest Gump? Me neither—until JUST NOW.  We also can deposit checks by taking pictures of them and find out what to wear without having to watch the boring morning news! What a time to be alive!

For better or worse, the age-old dance of dating has been revolutionized by phones as well. We’ve left awkward family arrangements and town dances to old John Hughes’ movies and can cut to the chase to find that special someone.

Tinder has become the kingpin of all dating apps, allowing users to search profiles and accept or reject them as romantic partners by swiping left or right. It’s the social media equivalent of speed dating.

Tinder was also recently eviscerated in a recent piece by Vanity Fair that painted it as a clubhouse for misogynistic hookup culture, profiling a number of users who, amongst other things, compared Tinder to food delivery, but for “Tinderellas.” Tinder’s response to the story was to go hilarious ballistic defending itself on Twitter and to clean house of many of its executive staff.

Personally, I went with Jcrush…an app similar to Tinder, but for Jews. Since it only requires a link through Facebook, It’s possible for anyone to sign up for the app, but with common themes relating to Jewish culture and an option describe oneself as “not Jewish” it’s easy to weed the ones not of the tribe.

Now it’s been a number of years since I’ve been to synagogue and in the past have called myself non-practicing of any religion, but I decided to make an account for a few reasons.

1) I couldn’t believe the ridiculousness of it.

2) I’ve always fantasized about falling into a relationship complete with a large stereotypical Jewish family.

3) It would make my grandparents very happy to see me under the Chuppah with a nice Jewish gal.

To mine and (probably) my grandparents dismay, there aren’t many users on the app in general, and technically no female users within 100 miles of my location. That didn’t ruin my dreams though, as Jcrush believes that love knows no distance and allows profiles to link up no matter the mileage. I extended the distance to unlimited and began looking at all accounts I could, taking the utmost care while trying to choose the right chosen girl for me, many of whom were mid-50s divorcees living in Beverly Hills. Swipe left indeed.

It took awhile for me to get a match, possible because I was too picky in my swiping or my selected pictures didn’t show my cutest side (it’s the left profile), but once I was paired up I wasted no time in saying ‘Shalom.’

The very first conversation I had on Jcrush wasn’t even romantic at all!  In fact it was more professional than some of the writing meetings I have been to. It started as awkward small talk, but the dialogue ultimately revolved around writing and what it takes to be in the professional world. At the end of it, I had some great advice and even a new writing gig!

Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match indeed! Just apparently not for love.

One month later, none of my other conversations were as beneficial to my career as the first one. I’ve also yet to find the traditional Jewish family looking to take my half-kosher ass in, but I’m making friends and business “connections” worldwide, which backs up the argument that dating apps are not exclusively for douchebags to be douchebaggy. Occasionally, you’ll get a job out of them.

Social media connects people. Sometimes, that can be a bad thing as creeps have a new platform to pursue creepiness in creepy ways, but some people go another route. The app is just a tool.

One notable example is a woman in Chicago who wrote about using Tinder solely to get free pizzas delivered to her…and has been very successful. In an interview with the Sun-Times her advice to people wanting to do the same was, “Just be straight up with the guys and tell them you want a pizza … There will be someone who would love to buy you a pizza.”

This summer has been hot as hell in the Rogue Valley. So if you’re looking for love in its final throes, and don’t want to look for love at a sweaty park or in a sweaty bar, get on your phone and go put that summer fling in full swing. Make a profile and convince someone to buy you pizza, pretend to be Jewish or make a business connection.  Who knows? You might even fall in love. But the last one is a bit of a long shot.

Photo Credit: Cupidon et Psyché, by Jacques-Louis David