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LETTERS February 2nd Issue

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Resisting!

 

(From voicemail): I enjoy your paper and I really love your event section and I just finished reading a couple of food reviews and there’s no address or phone number listed for Onyx. So I just want you to be really helpful if you listed that information when you list to review and maybe the hours that it’s open etc. Okay. Thanks and keep on keeping on.

– Abigail

Editor’s Note: Yes, our bad: Oynx is open 4 – 9 pm, Tues – Sat. And, you can find them at 635 N Oregon Street in Jacksonville.

Hey Messenger: I had a very good idea for a tattoo but then my best friend stole it! I told him about in a couple of weeks ago and then the other day he told me he “had a surprise” for me and came over to show me. I was so surprised I didn’t know how to respond! Now I am just pretty mad about this.  Should I still get the tattoo? What should I do about my best friend?

-Anonymous

Dear Anonymous: If you like the tattoo design, I think you should still get it. What someone else does should not have any effect on what you do. The only thing I can think of that might stop you is whether this tattoo design somehow only has meaning if you are the only one with it. Is there any chance you might just get over it? Is there any chance that after awhile, you would find it kind of fun to have a matching tattoo with a best friend? I just keep thinking that if you are still calling him your “best friend” in a message to me after all this, you guys must have a pretty solid relationship! Reflect on this, because it is pretty amazing.

 

Hey Messenger: I AM COMPLETELY UNAPPRECIATED BY MY FAMILY AND EVEN MY FRIENDS! I do so much for everyone all the time and no one does ANYTHING for me. They walk all over me, boss me around, and my kids even steal my stuff. My daughters use and steal my makeup. My husband always expects his laundry to be done and hell, all of the rest of the chores, but all he does is occasionally mow the lawn. Most of my friends always expect me to pay lunch bills and they always call me with their problems but if I ever talk about my own problems, it feels like they don’t want to listen. I feel like hiding in a hole sometimes or running away with a random European man from the Internet. Some days I just get so bitter.

-W.
Dear W.: Given the sheer number of ways in which you feel taken for granted, I am going to go out on a limb and say some of this is your responsibility. Sorry, but it is true. This pattern is consistent across your entire life and across all relationships. Think about it: the only consistent thing throughout all of this is *you.* It sounds like you are not setting proper boundaries with those around you. It also sounds like you are not sticking up for yourself in the moment, when these events are actually happening. This has led to these patterns (that put you at a give/take disadvantage, I agree) developing over time. Now, all of these people in your life think this is just how it is. They may even think you want it this way. People are not psychic and they do not know you are unhappy unless you tell them, especially when they are too blinded by the fact that the arrangement is benefiting them. You need to change these patterns and put some real effort into it. If they love you, they will take notice and engage in some self-reflection. But the self-reflection needs to start with you.

 

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