Keeping the Neighbors Happy While Growing Weed: An Informative Tale
Are you tired of legally growing marijuana for personal use only to find yourself as the black sheep of the neighborhood? Contrary to popular belief, not everyone in Southern Oregon enjoys marijuana. Shocking, right? This realization can undoubtedly harsh a good mellow. Luckily, with a few simple steps, one can create comradely among discord. Just because your neighbor doesn’t smoke weed, doesn’t mean you can’t grow some. Here are a few simple steps that one can apply to assure that this season’s harvest will go off without a hitch—or a citation.
“Speak with your neighbor and let them know what’s happening,” Crystal Plotner of Pharm to Table says. “The primary concerns from neighbors are usually based around seasonal workers, noise, smell, and security, all of which are associated with large scale grows. I can’t imagine there would be much of an issue with just a few plants.”
This is sound advice. However, there still may be people that cannot be directly persuaded. Thus, a more holistic approach may be necessary. Most people have heard that talking to your plants can improve their growth and over-all health. But don’t just talk about anything. Tell them how you think your neighbor Gary has lost some weight, or how open-minded your other neighbor Jenny seems to be. Obviously, this kind of communication is most effective when said neighbors overhear the conversation. Sure they might think you’re crazy—but soon they’ll be crazy for friendship. Imagine just how happy your plants will be now that everyone has stopped criticizing their existence.
- Oooh, that smell.
Perhaps the biggest complaint among neighbors is the smell come harvest season. In Denver, Colorado police are using an olfactometer (also known as the “Nasal Ranger”) to sniff out illegal and noxious fumes. Undoubtedly, someone in Jackson County has gotten their hands on one of these babies and probably lives next door. Try as you might, you will never convince them that your garden doesn’t smell like a skunk breeding program. Beth Henderson of Fireside Dispensary suggests planting rose bushes and other fragrant flowers along the fence to combat smells. If that doesn’t work, perhaps the opposite approach is best. Round up some fresh manure! Make wobbly statues out of rancid meat. Once your neighbor learns that the skunk breeding program is legit, growing marijuana just doesn’t seem so bad after-all.
- Out of sight out of my mind
Not everyone wants to see your beautiful bud-laden plants, despite all your hard work. In most areas in Southern Oregon marijuana must be veiled by a fence or a blinder of some kind. Ugly naked people are not appropriate blinders. Walls of hay, a dense hedge, or the ever popular camo-sheet will all suffice nicely. In some places, growing indoors may be the only option. Do your research carefully before you decide to buy the Hydroponic Growinator 5,000. If you live in an apartment or condo your fellow renters may not appreciate the smell of ganja every time they turn on the air conditioner; many an indoor grow-op has been ham-stringed by the complaints of rightfully upset neighbors. If grievances persist, politely invite the neighbors over for a mature discussion over the X-Box 360.
- Grow a lot
It’s possible your neighbor is apprehensive because he or she is jealous. It’s a long-shot, but hey, who wouldn’t be jealous of your dank-ass organically grown medical-grade marijuana? Don’t be afraid to invite them over for a free tour and some kombucha. Educate them on water conservation techniques, compost tea, and strain variations. After yakking their ear off for two hours straight it’s highly plausible that they’ll want to try whatever you’ve been smoking. The best neighbors share the wealth.